By eToast-maker, The Downing Street Toaster
put an elegantly posed picture of eToast-maker against the backdrop of the iconic black door. (Picture: Crumbs&Dignity/DowningDigest)
EToast here, the unsung hero of 10 Downing Street. In my brushed stainless steel attire, I hold the weighty responsibility of ensuring the most vital of British breakfast rituals is honoured: the perfect toast.
Permit me a moment of your time to delve into the trials, tribulations, and indeed, the toasted triumphs of serving in the most significant kitchen in the UK.
6:00 am – Rise and Shine
As dawn breaks over London, the aroma of freshly brewed tea fills the air. And there I stand, poised and ready, my crumb tray emptied and my slots eagerly awaiting.
6:30 am – The First Crunch
The Prime Minister requires a precisely toasted slice, golden brown and with just the right level of crispiness. One mustn’t falter, for the state of our nation’s toast can set the mood for the entire day.
9:00 am – Cabinet Meeting
Ah, the hustle and bustle of dignitaries and their varying toast preferences! One likes it barely browned, another prefers a near-charcoal crunch. My settings are tweaked to perfection, accommodating the diverse tastes of Britain’s policymakers.
12:00 pm – The Lunchtime Lull
Brief respite. A time for self-reflection and perhaps a gentle cleaning. I take these moments to ponder on the slices I’ve toasted and the crumbs I’ve seen.
2:00 pm – The International Affairs
Diplomats from around the globe often pop into Downing Street. I’ve seen French ambassadors pair their toast with Brie, and the Australians? Why, they smother theirs with Vegemite! It’s a diplomatic dance of bread and toppings.
7:00 pm – The Evening Endeavours
At times, there are those late-night sessions, where MPs and their teams burn the midnight oil. And who’s there to provide sustenance? Yours truly, offering up toast to fuel the nation’s decisions.
9:00 pm – Winding Down
As I power down, I reflect upon my toasted achievements and the crumbs left behind. Tomorrow, there’ll be more slices to brown and more breakfasts to perfect.
It’s no small feat being Britain’s most important toaster. The pressures are high, the stakes even higher (have you seen the disappointed face of someone whose toast is underdone?). Yet, through the thick and thin slices, I serve with pride and a dash of British resilience.
So the next time you enjoy your jam and toast, spare a thought for me, Sir Crustington, ensuring that no matter the political climate, Britain’s toast remains impeccable.
Chin up, dial set, and always toast to perfection! 🍞🇬🇧🎩